Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
