4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
how drunk are you?
Several
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
