my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
