Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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