he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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