I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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