No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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