just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
