Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
