First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
