dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize