his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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