explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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