you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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