i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
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I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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