forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
