hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
