Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
