She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
