Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
