you win again, gameday.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
