Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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