it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
