I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
