You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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