so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
try to milk me bitch
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
