Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
