1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Mom said you looked used
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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