We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
