yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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