He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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