two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
