Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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