whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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