and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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