I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
