shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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