Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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