giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
