dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
