Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize