My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
