I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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