I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
