He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
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Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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