I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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