I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
