sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
