my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this hospital has no fireball
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
