Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
