it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
