i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
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I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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