I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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