There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.