Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
