I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
