allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize