Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize