half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
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I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
True strength comes from lack of pants
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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