1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
