half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
True strength comes from lack of pants
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
