It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
