I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
