dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
