You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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