you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
